Thanks, Frank

I just got a message from a friend of mine about her ex-boyfriend who always comes back to her. Her message reminded me of my ex from college, and it brought back some wretched memories.

This guy, we'll call him Frank, was a piece of work. He thought he was "getting what he deserved" and that he was supposed to "settle" for me. He would tell me that I needed to lose 15 (not 5, not 10, but exactly 15) pounds, and that if I did, he could love me more. He told me about the waitress in NJ who was his ideal girl and that she was much prettier than I. We'd lay on the couch and he would grab my stomach and just hold it, to help me remember that I needed to lose weight. He told me that he felt like hanging himself in his closet when he thought about my "past". He then proceeded to punch three massive holes in his wall. What a treat, right?

When I finally got enough courage to end it with him (after 2.5 years of tumult), I was scared. I was terrified that I wouldn't ever find anyone else, but I knew it had to be done. In fact, I hardly shed a tear over the breakup. My best friend said that my lack of tears was the indication that this was the right choice for me, so she never even attempted to convince me otherwise.

I then allowed myself to be me, date, flirt, and hang out with my friends, from whom I'd been isolated for quite awhile, thanks to Frank. I re-connected with my best friends, and I'm so thankful for that because I don't know what I'd do without R, N, and E in my life.

Then, out of the blue, I went on a date at Starbucks over 3.5 years ago, and have never looked back. I can't imagine my life without J in it.

My friend's story made me remember those bad memories, yes, but it also helped me remember the path that brought me where I am today: a 20-something with her BA, MA and en route to her PhD. I have the best family and friends anyone could ask for, and a boyfriend who is over the moon for me. So in a way, I have to thank Frank. I might not have ended up here had it not been for him.

So thanks, Frank. Thanks very much.